Happy Birthday Self!

If you could go back 10 years, what would you tell yourself?

I hear this question a lot…but I haven’t given it much thought. I often wondered if it was because I never had any regrets about anything that’s happened so far. So, if I don’t have any regrets and there’s nothing I would do differently, then what on earth would I want to tell the 18 year old Heather?

Of course I’ve made mistakes, some big ones, but I often fear that if I hadn’t made these mistakes…I wouldn’t be who I am. That thought sounds weird to me sometimes…most people fear making mistakes and I fear never making enough of them.

 I knew high school wasn’t the end-all, be-all of everything. I always thought of it as a small blip on the screen of my Holter monitor. So I didn’t really care too much about being popular or going to parties. I would get caught up in the usual friend drama, but it never seemed to keep my attention for too long.  The only thing I cared about was getting a job at 15, saving money to get my first car, and making sure my tuition for TC was paid for. Even then I always knew no matter what life would throw me (and life threw me a lot of shit!) I’d be okay. I was always good at 3 things: 1) surviving 2) having mad quips 3) and always choosing a cute hairstyle.

So here I am…on my Golden birthday…28 on the 28^th....  and I'm going to ask and answer this cliche time travel question. Here is what I would tell 18 year old Heather...

1. Don't be so angry all the time. Not everything in life is an epic fight to the finish line. You choose how to react towards someone who is being negative towards you. If you give them nothing then they have nothing.

2. Don’t take everything so personally. People can’t help it if they have diarrhea of the mouth. You need to pick your battles carefully, because in the end the only person who’s worn out from the battle is you.  

3. Don’t be so dismissive. Nobody is perfect…no one can say/do things perfectly at the right place, at the right time, ALL the time. You would expect someone to be understanding with you…so give them the same understanding. You know the people that care about you would never intentionally hurt you.  

4. Take more pictures! And for the love of God, find more times (like the ones in those pictures) to laugh and be silly…it’s okay to say that you want to have a little fun.

5. Try and make yourself more approachable to others and listen to what people are trying to tell you. It might be something you need to hear.

6. Not everything has to be planed out by you. Let someone else take control. Try to enjoy just going with the flow…you may actually be pleasantly surprised by the joy it will bring you.   

   7. And most importantly, listen a little harder to what you want for yourself. Realize that choosing a different path in life doesn’t mean that you are giving up or failing. Don’t be afraid to say what it is you really want for yourself…and then go get it. Don’t waste time doing what you THINK you have to do, rather than what makes you happy.  If you don’t do this the only person you’ll be disappointing is yourself.

The last couple of years have brought something new into my life. I was able to find peace, acceptance, forgiveness, and a better understanding of people and the things around me. I use to think these qualities made a person weak. I have now realized that these qualities give you better handle on your life. They give you the ability to let go and move forward…instead of always standing still with your anger.

 For the future Heather I would like to say….

If you continue to keep your eyes, ears, and heart open…then you will continue to become a better and happier person.

Happy Birthday Self =)

Attention a la peinture: Mr. Brent Lee Marcy

Dear Mr. Marcy:

                 

            At the request of Mrs. Pilarczyk, I am sending you a list of demands, to make sure her stay with you is a comfortable one. The list is as follows:

1. When you pick her up at the airport, she would like you to provide her with a Segway. After such a long trip of sitting on the plane, she likes to keep her leg muscles in a relaxed state. Therefore, walking to the car would be completely unacceptable.
2.  Mrs. Pilarczyk would also like Gabrielle’s 1993 hit “Dreams” playing as she enters the car.
3. She would like the cars temperature to be at 74 degrees and her seat reclined at a 90 degree angle.
4. Her luggage should be put in the trunk in size order. Preferably, largest on bottom and smallest on top.
5. Mrs. Pilarczyk also request that an arrangement of 11 (not 12 or 13) assorted cupcakes (at room temperature) be provided upon entering your house.
6. AC unit must be programmed at night as follows: 11pm-12am: 74 degrees, from 12am-5am: 75 degrees, and from 5am-8am: 76 degrees. This is to slowly acclimate herself to the change in climates.
7. Mrs. Pilarczyk would like to make sure that the freezer is stocked with an adequate amount of round shaped ice cubes (not moon shaped ice or square ice…this is a VERY important detail).
8. As for sleeping arrangements...the only request she has is that you provide her with an orthopedic pillow in a PURE WHITE pillowcase ( this is to insure that the pillow will magically transform itself at night...INTO...one of the fluffy clouds that float around Jesus' home called...heaven ), as well as the unicorn Pillow Pet for nighttime snuggles.

Thank you for your time and patience in making sure that Mrs. Pilarczyk stay with you is a pleasant one. If you have any questions or concerns you can reach me at (407) POP-OFFF                            

Sincerely,

Mrs. Pennyapple, Personal Assistant to Mrs Pilarczyk

The poop button...

Things that seem to push a babies poop button

• 5 mins after you put a fresh diaper on
• When you are actually in the middle of a diaper changer
• The minute you put your baby down for a nap/bedtime
• When you are at a restaurant and your food comes
• When you are in stopped traffic (and it’s a really stinky poop…gross)
• In the middle of a long road trip…specifically…once you hit the boonies and there’s nothing but a fruit stand on the side of the road
• When you are half way finished with your grocery shopping ( last time I left my cart, someone took it and I had to start all over)
• When you realize that you have somehow run out of diapers or wipes
• When its bath time
• When you realize you are at the only place in the world that doesn’t have a changing table ( I’m not in the mood to be creative)
• When you are at the pediatrician and the nurse asks you to take off your babies  diaper so they can be weighed ( and in your head you’re thinking…”this is such a bad idea right now”)

Also, if you are unfamiliar with what the “poop face” looks like (and there are many different classifications of the “poop face”)…here is a poop in action. When you become a mom, you learn to recognize your babies unique “poop face” immediately.

This is the “Hey Lady! I’m done!” face.

And roll it!!!!

I can’t wait to share all these movies with Knox! These were some of my favorites when I was a young’un….  

• Auntie Mame: Oh my God that movie is Ba-na-nas! I absolutely love how Auntie Mame is always redecorating her fantastic apartment. I love all of her outfits. I love her personality. Rosalind Russell is an amazing actress (she’s also in Gypsy…another great movie you should see) her voice and laugh is infectious. I loved how elegant she looked in her long robes, with her big jewelry pieces, and her cigarette holder. I also love her stereotypical Chinese butler….ohhh the 1950’s…sigh.
• Doctor Dolittle: The one from the 1960’s not that Eddie Murphy crap. I could pretty much watch every movie Rex Harrison was ever in. All I need to say about this movie is…. Pushme-Pullyu Llama, Great Pink Sea Snail, and Great Lunar Moth….DONE!   
• Hello Dolly: This was the only movie that I liked Barbra Streisand in….YES! I know…I didn’t even like her in “The Way We Were” But this movie…well…It’s kind of like the Millionaire Matchmaker…but a musical. And what can I say I’m a sucker for big hats and singing.  
• Drop Dead Fred:  One word…. “Cobwebs!”
• Mary Poppins: I must have driven my family crazy with this movie. I think I watched it everyday 10 times a day for a year straight.  But I mean seriously, jumping into a painting is awesome. Supernanny can suck it.
• The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking: It’s in Florida, she lives alone with a horse, and her dads a pirate. You have pretty much just described my dream childhood.
• Mighty Ducks: Emilio Estevez should have won an Academy Award for his phenomenal acting in this movie. I wanted to become a professional hockey player after this movie.
• The Secret Garden: Not all the other shitty ones that have been made, but this one specifically. I think it’s because the actor that plays Colin Craven is extra whiney and annoying. And the actress that plays Mary Lennox is such a fantastic bitch to him. You don’t see that in any of the other movie versions of this book.
• Thomasina: Another movie I watch a thousand times. But Thomasina doesn’t really die and the grumpy dad falls in love with the hippie lady…JUST FANTASTIC! I love happy endings for animals <3
• Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day: Although I CANT STAND IT when parents decorate their baby’s room in Winnie the Pooh…I did love watching these tapes when I was growing up. My favorite thing was that you would always see the book that was being read to you…like when it rained too much and the words on the book started to float away. You know, I just realized this now that I’m older but…Pooh always sounded like a stoner.  
• My Fair Lady: I know this sounds like a crazy movie for a kid to watch but…its not. Once again, it’s the music and the costumes…it sucks you in. I think that was the allure of movies back in the day…now its all about special effects and junk.
• The Heigh Ho Disney Sing Along Songs: Another tape I watch a thousand times…I’m sure my family hated me for it…but Knox will pay me back with something equally annoying….I’m sure of it.
• The Secret of NIMH: HELLO! Who didn’t love this movie!?! Mrs. Brisby was just like every widowed struggling single mom mouse…trying to move her kids out of their home before the plowing time AND save her sick son from dying. But oh no!!! What’s that?!?! Scientific genetically mutated super intelligent rats!?!?!   Well that puts a damper on things. But don’t worry; thanks to a nice bird and super old owl, everything works out.

The Unspoken Thank-You’s

If Knox could talk I know he would thank you for…

·        Thank you for life. Its pretty awesome so far

·        Thank you for teaching me new things ( fire hose)

·        Thank you for all the claps and cheers you give me when I do something for the first time

·        Thank you for hugs and baby kisses

·        Thank you for patience

·        Thank you for cuddles when I’m sick

·        Thank you for evening walks together

·        Thank you for playing with me on the floor

·        Thank you for singing to me

·        Thank you for making silly faces so ill laugh instead of cry

·        Thank you for working as hard as you do so I can have everything I need and want in life

·        Thank you for your sacrifices

·        Thank you for playing with me as soon as you get home from work, no matter how tired you are

·        Thank you for giving mommy days off  =)

·        Thank you for loving mommy and me with all your heart

·        Thank you for making weekends a time for us to hang out ( apparently at Hooters)

·        Thank you for NEVER  letting a day go by without letting me  know how special I am to you

·         Thank you for making sure you are the one to put me to bed at night

                                                       

 Knox would also say something like: You are very much appreciated and needed in our little family. In case mommy and I forget, here are a million other thank-you’s for the future. Love you!

And I’m pretty sure I actually HEARD him say this: Please buy mommy a new purse =)

Homo-mullet-sapiens

Today I am going to get a little educational up in this blog. I don’t want people to think I just write about useless crap. I want everyone to be able to learn, and maybe even take something away from my writings. So today, I’m going to talk about one of Mother Nature’s most amazing creatures. A subspecies of humans called the Homo-mullet-sapiens.

There are many types Homomulletsapiens. You have….

• -The “Classic Mullet”
• -The “Camero Mullet”...which was very popular in the 70’s and 80’s
• -The “Mini-truck Mullet”…mostly seen in the 90’s, this mullet had the “business” area of the mullet parted down the middle
• -The “Fem-Mullet”…obviously mullets worn by the female species
• -The “Perm-Mullet”…the very time-consuming curly mullet…many trips to Fantastic Sams for this one
• -The Mexi-Mullet”…adapted by the Mexicans in the early 80’s to fit in with the American culture. Obviously well liked because it is still used by Mexicans today
• -The “Child-Mullet”…or what I like to call…”Child Abuse”

Trust me there are many more. These Homomulletsapiens are out in the world walking among us. I’m sure you’ve at least seen one or two of these types that I've listed above. But you were probably so mesmerized by this creature that you just stared in amazement. But PLEASE!...next time try to tear yourself away from their majestic beauty and document this gloriously rare sighting.

Here are some facts about the Homomulletsapiens:

-The Homomulletsapien normally likes to live in things called “trailers”.

-Homomulletsapiens can fit up to 10 of their family members in these trailers.

-They like live close to other homomulletsapien in communities called “trailer parks”.

-It is very rare to see these creatures venture more than 10 miles away from their home. They prefer to stay close to their food source called a “gas station mini mart”. Living close to these gas stations, makes it very easy for them to maintain their normal diet of Slim Jims, Hungry-Man frozen dinners, and microwavable burritos.

- Its also crucial that they stay hydrated at all times during their normal everyday activities at construction sites. That is why the hmomulletsapiens ALWAYS carry a certain beverage container known as a “Big Gulp”.

-Now these creatures can get stressed out very easily….which isn’t good because they will normally take out their aggressions on the females. This is why the males have adopted a ritual of drinking at least one 24 pack of Budweiser a day. I know that sounds like a lot, but this helps the creature stay calm. Unfortunately some males get a little too drunk, in which case they beat their females anyways. It is sad…but we have to respect that this is way things are done in their world.

Now there are some Homomulletsapian that go above and beyond the call of mullet duty. This noticeable type of homomulletsapien has a clever way of keeping the mullet styled that screams “HERE I AM!”

And there she is indeed.  Thanks to a fellow mullet enthusiast, we have one here for your eyes to see. I present to you the Double Ponytail Bun Homomulletsapien. Truly amazing! This creature is remarkable! I don’t doubt for a second that this female has any trouble attracting a mate.  

Thank you, Hunter Ambrose, for this beautiful photo. Your passion and dedication to documenting this species brings tears to my eyes. The science community thanks you as well.

Just incase you wanted to know how the texting conversation went:

Hunter: “OMG the best thing that ever happened to me just took place in the gas station!!!! I witnessed a hybrid mullet rat tail bun! It was like finding Bigfoot riding an albino unicorn!”

Me: “Its…it’s…glorious…*teardrops*”

Hunter: “You normally can’t get a photo of them because they are nocturnal. You know she styled that shit before walking out the door.”

Them there pugs are comin in mighty fine this time of year...

I’m sure many peoples retirement plans sound the same. Going to Europe…blah thumbs down. Get an RV and travel the states of the Americas…no thanks I don’t like that I eventually have to empty my toilets poo/pee holder….gross.

My retirement plan is far better than that. I’m going to open a…wait for it…PUG FARM!!!! Yayyyyyy! I know right??!?!! It’s a fantastic idea!

I’m going to create a whole wonderland of pugs…a paradise of pugs…a pug extravaganza!!!I want to recreate their natural habit…which will look something like a big bed or a big pillow. Then people can come to the pug farm to play with them or watch them sleep for 12 hours straight…doesn’t that sound amazing??!!!?!?!

Pugs are such fantastic dogs. They are lazy as hell (well, not that pug that surfs…show off) and all they want to do is eat, sleep, and cuddle. My pug Miss Milly (aka Princess Squishy Puss) fits into my life perfectly. The only exercise she wants to do is her “pug shuffles”…which is when a pug has a burst of energy and just runs in a circle…this outburst will only last about a minute. If you try to take her on a walk, and she gets tired, she will lie down on the ground and refuse to get up…which means I have to carry her home.

Ill tell you something I don’t like about pugs…particularly mine. I don’t like that she’s such a priss. Sometimes she wont go outside to use the bathroom when its been raining…or that it takes her 6 hours to find the perfect place to poop…but I guess the cute squishy pug face and cinnamon bun tail make up for it. Yay for pugzzz!!!

Foods that are so delicious they give me a lady-boner

Here are 13 foods that I think are amazing…in no particular order…

• Café con leche and cuban toast (or as my cracker husband calls it “confe con leeche”): I have eaten cuban bread since I had teeth to chew it and I’m pretty sure my mom use to put café con leche in my baby bottles. I’ve pretty much been going through withdraws from this stuff (or have had to cook it myself) because it’s not like there is an abundance of Cuban restaurants here on the west coast. Important side note: you must ALWAYS dunk the toast into the coffee…it’s the only way to eat it and if you don’t then you’re a douche.

• The baked pasta (specifically the shell shaped pasta) with meat sauce from ABC Pizza:  I grew up eating this stuff as well. While every other person at the table ordered a stupid pizza, I ordered my own plate of baked pasta with meat sauce…frankly I don’t like to share anything…especially food. I also can’t think of a family function, from back in the day, that didn’t have one of their greek salads in attendance.

• Black beans and rice:  Obviously an important staple in Cuban cuisine. I could eat this crap all day…and I make a pretty mean black beans and rice. Some important condiments for my black beans and rice are defiantly vinegar and hot sauce…don’t be trippin!

• Fried chicken and Waffles: This meal was a food revelation. Until I had this glorious combination I was dead inside…literally….I was only half a person. Now, there are many places that make this delicious anytime-of-the-day combo…but for me it’s Hash House a Go-Go…Its basically where the pope of all chicken and waffles resides. That place is the Vatican of chicken and waffle worship.

• Greek salads: I love salads…I could probably eat them everyday and never get sick of them. I always order one with my meal no matter what restaurant I’m at. But I have to say that greek salads are my favorite. You pretty much have to be a moron to get this veggie combination wrong….so it always comes out tasting great no matter where you go. It’s kind of like the “safe” salad.  I don’t really have a favorite one…but the ones I get at an actual Greek restaurant are pretty fantastic.

• Dunkin Donuts large ice coffee with cream NO sugar: I don’t really like American watered down coffee…but this stuff is great. I also don’t like sugar in my coffee unless there are special circumstances such as: Café con leche…or a white mocha/ coconut frappuchino…then its okay. Sadly there isn’t a DD in California…which is a terrible injustice to this state if you ask me. I did however have about 100 iced coffees from DD the last time I was in FL…and I’m not exaggerating on the number. 

• Olive Garden salad dressing: Really? I don’t think I have to explain this one. I’m just glad they have now bottled this liquid gold and sell it.   

• PF Changs Ahi Tuna: I LOVE ahi tuna…I love raw fish but that stuff is my favorite! I picked the appetizer from PF Changes because of that wasabi sauce they put on it…it’s AMAZING!!!...and goes fantastic with the tuna. I could eat 10 plates of this stuff.

• Banh Mi Vietnamese Pork sandwiches:  I love Vietnamese food…like LOVE IT! But my favorite things to eat are these Banh Mi sandwiches. They are so good!!! The pickled vegetables (I think they are called Do Chua) on it drive me crazy. I have no problem going into the little Viet Towns (like in Orlando) and braving the language barrier and “why is that white girl in here?” stares to get this sandwich…it’s that good.

• A Beach Bum from Tropical Smoothie: I hate other smoothie places…no seriously HATE them. If I could I would make it illegal to have any other smoothie place open but Tropical Smoothie. I love that in Vegas they have one around every corner…and I’m NOT exaggerating. They are also 24 hours there, which was fabulous while I was pregnant because I had one everyday. My favorite is the Beach Bum (strawberries, bananas, and dark chocolate) and it is soooo good it’s just wrong. I love it so much I can even tell you the first time I was introduced to my mouths life partner…the Beach Bum. Cue the song “When You Love a Women” by Journey.  About 10 years ago, on a warm summer day; I was helping out at the Pac Sun in Countryside Mall. My DM (Noelle) at the time bought us all Beach Bums for helping out…and that was the beginning of the end.

• Vietnamese Noodle bowls: These are just so fantastic. You can put so much delicious crap into them! And all the colors make your eyes hungry. I think I just love the way Asian food is served…it really looks like a painting with a bunch of colors and shapes…but you can eat it…which is a plus in my book.   

• Scachatta (or Italian cold pizza): Another family staple. When I was growing up I don’t think there was one function or party I went to that didn’t have one of these from Alessi Bakery. I love it because its cold…the sauce is kind of sweet…and it doesn’t have a lot of cheese which I’m not a fan of. But seriously this stuff is so amazing I want to use it as my pillow at night to sleep on.  

• Red Velvet Cake: I don’t care whether it comes as a cupcake…a cake…a cheesecake…or even in pancake form…if it says red velvet…ill eat it. It could say red velvet dog shit…ill eat it. The one from CPK is out of this world because it comes with a vanilla sauce that I want to shower with. Don’t even get me started on the red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. But my sister’s red velvet cupcakes have to be my favorite things ever….hands down.

Is that a one-eyed Gizmo!?!?!

My 3 man traveling family band had ourselves an adventure yesterday. Thirty minutes from where we live is a little place called Folsom. We decided to walk their historical downtown area. As we were walking the streets, enjoying all the little shops, we came across some interesting characters. But NONE as interesting as who I’m about to introduce to you.  Ladies and gentlemen I am super stoked for you to meet Gizmo!

Gizmo is a precious 7 year old Pekinese.

Here are some fun facts about Gizmo…

1)      Gizmo only has one eye…sad face…but I think it makes him look like a pirate

2)      Gizmo has been shaved so that he looks like a miniature black lion. Which is AMAZING!

3)      Gizmo, according to his owner, has a tongue that’s so long it could touch the ground. Simply impressive.

4)      Gizmo recently had his own little brush with death when a huge tick attached itself to him. Gross.

 But as you can see Gizmo is doing just fine. That little black puff said, “mmmhmmm! I don’t think so death!” This little guy’s life is a country song waiting to happen. And Gizmo is obviously well enough to continue with, what I can only assume, is a Saturday ritual for him and his owner.

They sit right outside the Pony Express Mall. Gizmo gets his usual attention from passers-bys, and his owner smokes a pipe talking to whoever may stop to gush over Gizmo.  As you can tell I did not catch the owners name…I’m terrible with that….so I will call him “The Guardian of Gizmo”. I do however have a fantastic story to share from the “Guardian of Gizmo”….

The man told his story of “Waffle House Waitress Jackie”. There was a Waffle house the old man use to frequent. That’s where he met Miss Jackie. She worked at the Waffle House as a waitress…and Jackie was always HIS waitress. Jackie was in her 50’s and by the old mans standards very good looking for her age. One day the man came in expecting his usual service from Waffle House Waitress Jackie. He said “hi” to her as he walked in but something was different. Waffle House Waitress Jackie wasn’t her normal chipper lookin-good-for-being-fifty self. She looked terrible! Her hair was a mess…her face looked worn out and just exhausted. So the man tried to continue his normal morning chatter with Miss Jackie. He asked her if the younger man, that had just left as he was getting there, was her son…because the boy couldn’t have been more that 20. Jackie politely replied, “No. Why that’s my younger 19 year old boyfriend.” The old man then said to us, “Well that explained why the poor girl looked so worn out!!!” I almost died. That was the best story I have ever heard from a total stranger.  

I find that this happens to me a lot. Whether I’m with Mark, my sister, or my friends I always seem to run into these random people. I end up having these types of conversations with them (although I honestly do most of the listening than talking) …and hearing the craziest stories.

 I’m sure anyone who knows me could tell you that I’m not a very approachable person, or at least I don’t give off that vibe. But for some reason it’s like I have a doormat in front of me that says “Random People Welcome”…and I actually find it is easy to talk to them. Because it’s not useless chit-chat…pretending that you really give a shit about some meaningless crap that’s going on in someone else’s life (which I don’t do anyways). I genuinely want to hear these stories. Like the homeless women who sat and talked with me for an hour outside of a Starbucks. I liked hearing all her stories from back in the day when her kids were just babies…and about how much she misses them now that they are all grown up. I welcome these kinds of conversations.

    

Set your motivation to music...

It is soooooooo hard to motivate myself to exercise.
Not being able to button my "before birthing baby" jeans isn't cutting it anymore...because lets face it...cupcakes taste A-mazing. There is nothing better in this world than sitting around licking  frosting off a cupcake. Not even my "Be a fatty no more" iTouch re-mix is enough of a motivation to pry me away from The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I mean come on I cant go exercise right now...there are important things going on with Teresa and her brother!!! Will they make up?!?!? I don't know!!! But I have to know NOW! Not be held in suspense while I go for an effin walk!!!
So I had to switch it up. This is going to sound weird but I decided to take the instrumental soundtracks from my favorite movies and make my own "Heather's soundtrack to a smaller and more lifted ass"...like I said I know this sounds odd but for some reason I have not been able to tolerate people singing in my ear while I'm working out. So this little switch up has really helped. No excuses up in here!
Here are my two favorites are "Inception" and "The Social Network"...
Now with The Social Network you have to get the one that features just Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross.

Can we get this thing up to 88 miles an hour !?!?!

I lived in Las Vegas NV for about a year. I wasn't really looking forward to it...at all. But one day, while still at my house in Florida,  TMC was playing one of my favorite movies...EVER.! 1963’s "Viva Las Vegas”….staring Elvis Presley and Ann-Margret. For those of you that haven't seen it...well...you suck! I recommend you go out right now and buy it! Because, I don't know if you know this but...you are pretty much dead inside.

Back on point!!! I started to watch the movie (I have probably seen 100 times) with new eyes. I began to fantasize that this is what Vegas is gonna be like. Not that I thought I was going to turn into the beautiful Ann-Margret with sick dance moves....or Elvis Presley was going to come walking in on my dance rehearsal and spontaneously break into.... "C’mon everybody & snap your fingers now!"...I mean that's just stupid...for goodness sakes the man is dead. But I did picture seeing some shadows of the 1950’s and 1960’s as I finally got the chance to walk down Fremont Street.... BUT NOPE!!!...I got this

....a giant dome sky of light dominated by images of playing cards and giant florescent boobies. Not exactly like having dirty martinis with Frank Sinatra at a piano bar is it? I did however get to see Vegas Vic! But even old cowboy Vic lost his nostalgia underneath the florescent dome.

 Ugh...parties hosted by Milton Berle have been replaced with 3 hour lines outside of TAO. The shock and excitement of watching the Showgirls dance in elaborate barely there costumes have been replaced with "Come and get a prime rib dinner while being humped by one of our stripper! Only 9.99!"....it’s gross. No more Betty Grable doing cabaret. I mean look at that picture! Ummmhmmm! Get it Betty!!!...

Magic shows that consisted of a guy in a top hat sawing a girl in half while the crowed oooo'd and ahhh'd...now what...Criss Angle? Ew...don’t even get me started. His skull and tribal douche bag store is a big giant dump on the chest of Las Vegas Blvd.

Noooo…there were no rock ‘n’ roll loving troubled teens. No hip chicks wavin’ scarves startin’ drag races.

I guess you can still see Elvis…and the Beatles…if you enjoy seeing a bunch of flexible Europeans fly around and hang from strings. The Rat Pack still plays at the Golden Nugget…even if the guy who plays Sammy Davis Jr. looks like Pooty Tang. 

But if you go just a little further down Fremont Street, past the florescent dome of boobies, you will come to the Fremont Street Gallery ( I call it a sad reminder of what was)…

and that’s where my shadow was. A small piece of “Viva Las Vegas”…a tiny postcard of the demolished “Silver Slipper Gambling Hall”… and for that small piece of retro Vegas thats been kept alive…well…there’s only one thing to do.

Elvis take it away!!! “Come on everybody clap your hands real loud!”…* clap clap clap clap*. To the good ole days of Fremont Street!

Location! Location! Location!

I am forced by my husband to watch House Hunters even though it makes me want to punch kittens.
While watching it I had a thought. I never hear anyone ask their realtor the most important question a home buyer should be asking...and that isssssss???....is there a 7 Eleven in walking distance from this house? During my high school years I actually had the pleasure of living across the street from a 7 Eleven. Let me tell you it was a magical experience....such fond memories...sigh.

Just think about what I'm saying to you for a second...go on think about it....ill wait...Okay...you done? Then that means that you probably just had an epiphany. You have just realized what so many other American citizens have known for years. That having a 7 Eleven right around the corner from your home is like staring into the peephole of the doorways to heaven. Its just a small glimpse of bliss....and it is life changing. It means 24 hours of delicious treats right at your fingertips. Slurpees! Snickers Ice Cream bars! And the ever important Bagel Bites! Run out of Pepsi and Slim Jim's at 3am? No problem! Because you ,conscientious home buyer and dedicated consumer of yummy snack treats, did your homework before buying your new home sweet home. You remembered the most important thing...and that is what?... Location! Location! Location! Did that just blow your mind? Cause it should have.

I wish the world was padded....

Seriously....I want my son to be brave...but not this brave. This has been going on for 2 months now and hes becoming more of a daredevil. He tries to stand up on everything he can...and has finally learned how to fall on his nicely diaper padded butt.

As a parent you want your children to never be afraid to take a risk...to get back up after they fall...to not be afraid to get hurt. You want them to always know you'll  be there with a helpful hand, so they can stand up again. The world is filled with hard surfaces...sharp corners and uneven terrain...seems like now is a better time than ever for them to learn how to navigate through them all.

Ughhhh

I have been going at this effin blog for-EVER! It looks a little better than before...but I cant figure out how to make my picture larger...or put my description under my picture...or cross out the "chewing gum" that's on my header.
I'm sure that the title for my blog doesn't make a bit of sense to you...
"BlackJack sunshine"....I have lived in 2 sunshine states ( Florida and California)...and Vegas. What do you do in Vegas? You gamble ( Blackjack is the only game I know how to play) so there you go..."BlackJack sunshine"...and this blog is about my journey across the US-of-A so it sounded appropriate.

Knowledge is power!

Also, I just wanted to say that I know my blog looks completely generic and terrible right now....but I've never done this before so enjoy the journey I'll be taking of turning this pretentious blog into something all those cool hip kids want to read.

Explain please!

If you have a brother or sister and you are super close with them (as I am with mine) you probably feel like sometimes only they understand the words that are coming out of your mouth. For my sister and I this statement couldn't be more true....some might even say we have our own secret language.
A couple years ago we started saying "BeepBoo" to show how we feel when there where no words for it. It all depends on the tone of how you say it. There is
The Sad BeepBoo: "Awwww BeepBoo that's so sad."
The Happy BeepBoo: "Yay BeepBoo!"
The Surprised BeepBoo: "Gasp BeepBoo!"
The Angry BeepBoo: "Grrrr BeepBoo!"
The Funny BeepBoo: "BeepBoo giggles!"
This could go on forever....but you get the idea. The people who know us and have seen us actually do it (unless I get the balls to make a video explaining it better...totally wont happen) understand it better....but the thing is that it doesn't matter if you both sound absolutely ridiculous to other people...it's just something that you and your brother/sister share...which makes it special...so who gives a shit what other people think. BeepBoo suck it! :)