Homo-mullet-sapiens

Today I am going to get a little educational up in this blog. I don’t want people to think I just write about useless crap. I want everyone to be able to learn, and maybe even take something away from my writings. So today, I’m going to talk about one of Mother Nature’s most amazing creatures. A subspecies of humans called the Homo-mullet-sapiens.

There are many types Homomulletsapiens. You have….

• -The “Classic Mullet”
• -The “Camero Mullet”...which was very popular in the 70’s and 80’s
• -The “Mini-truck Mullet”…mostly seen in the 90’s, this mullet had the “business” area of the mullet parted down the middle
• -The “Fem-Mullet”…obviously mullets worn by the female species
• -The “Perm-Mullet”…the very time-consuming curly mullet…many trips to Fantastic Sams for this one
• -The Mexi-Mullet”…adapted by the Mexicans in the early 80’s to fit in with the American culture. Obviously well liked because it is still used by Mexicans today
• -The “Child-Mullet”…or what I like to call…”Child Abuse”

Trust me there are many more. These Homomulletsapiens are out in the world walking among us. I’m sure you’ve at least seen one or two of these types that I've listed above. But you were probably so mesmerized by this creature that you just stared in amazement. But PLEASE!...next time try to tear yourself away from their majestic beauty and document this gloriously rare sighting.

Here are some facts about the Homomulletsapiens:

-The Homomulletsapien normally likes to live in things called “trailers”.

-Homomulletsapiens can fit up to 10 of their family members in these trailers.

-They like live close to other homomulletsapien in communities called “trailer parks”.

-It is very rare to see these creatures venture more than 10 miles away from their home. They prefer to stay close to their food source called a “gas station mini mart”. Living close to these gas stations, makes it very easy for them to maintain their normal diet of Slim Jims, Hungry-Man frozen dinners, and microwavable burritos.

- Its also crucial that they stay hydrated at all times during their normal everyday activities at construction sites. That is why the hmomulletsapiens ALWAYS carry a certain beverage container known as a “Big Gulp”.

-Now these creatures can get stressed out very easily….which isn’t good because they will normally take out their aggressions on the females. This is why the males have adopted a ritual of drinking at least one 24 pack of Budweiser a day. I know that sounds like a lot, but this helps the creature stay calm. Unfortunately some males get a little too drunk, in which case they beat their females anyways. It is sad…but we have to respect that this is way things are done in their world.

Now there are some Homomulletsapian that go above and beyond the call of mullet duty. This noticeable type of homomulletsapien has a clever way of keeping the mullet styled that screams “HERE I AM!”

And there she is indeed.  Thanks to a fellow mullet enthusiast, we have one here for your eyes to see. I present to you the Double Ponytail Bun Homomulletsapien. Truly amazing! This creature is remarkable! I don’t doubt for a second that this female has any trouble attracting a mate.  

Thank you, Hunter Ambrose, for this beautiful photo. Your passion and dedication to documenting this species brings tears to my eyes. The science community thanks you as well.

Just incase you wanted to know how the texting conversation went:

Hunter: “OMG the best thing that ever happened to me just took place in the gas station!!!! I witnessed a hybrid mullet rat tail bun! It was like finding Bigfoot riding an albino unicorn!”

Me: “Its…it’s…glorious…*teardrops*”

Hunter: “You normally can’t get a photo of them because they are nocturnal. You know she styled that shit before walking out the door.”