Tengo diarrhea explosiva! Hey…it happens…

(Music comes in) Doo doo doooooo doo! The Brent and Heather show! 5 day Florida adventure! Yeah! (You might have to actually hear us sing the theme song in order to fully enjoy it…

 Anyways, I got back late last night to 60 degree weather (which shocked me) and after that I just have to say that, Oooooo Ft. Lordy Lordy it was a hot one up in Florida! I forgot what it feels like there. I know people say it all the time but that dry heat and humidity heat are two COMPLETELY different things.

  Soooooo…I’m going to try and make this quick in-between baby naps and unpacking….

Day one!!!! I got there late…but Brent and I decided to go get some pizza. I forget the name of the place, but when we went to pick it up…the guy who cashed us out had a crazy accent. I asked him what kind of accent it was. As usual people think I’m being rude and sarcastic…so he didn’t answer at first. But I very quickly said “No, that was a serious question. Where you from are?” He said Transylvania and then made a really bad vampire joke. One of the other kids working there had a Russian accent. I have to say that that pizza place was like a ride on Disney’s “It’s a Small World”…with a delicious pizza treat at the end of the ride.

Day two! I woke feeling weird that I didn’t have to get up to feed anything or change a diaper. I think I was…rested? I’m not sure. Brent and I went to this place called Rosie’s and I had these delicious coconut shrimps, with this crazy sauce that I wanted to take a bath in it was so delicious. Like it took everything in my power not to put a straw into the little cup of sauce and drink it like a milkshake.

Then we went to the craziest thrift store ever. I say this because I have never seen anything like it…NOR has it ever occurred to me that this idea should be implemented. It was a thrift store attached to a pharmacy…and the whole place was advertising free AIDS testing. So you can pick up a lovely second-hand couch for 80 bucks AND get tested for a life threatening sexually transmitted disease. Fantastic! That’s what I call one stop shopping! Fuck you Wal-Mart…oh and I totally found a sweet old looking suit case there for 10 bucks…and I don’t have AIDS…

Day Three! The Lakeland Road trip! I had to go to Lakeland for a mediation…so I tried to make it as fun as possible. I rented a car from the airport, where I met the lovely Sharon. Who apparently thought I was funny and gave me a free upgrade to the pure American white trash of the Dodge Charger. Brent and I started our trip SUPER early…and more than 10 hours later everything had pretty much gone down to shits.

But don’t worry because that night we made up for it. It was raining so movies seemed like the best option for nightly activities. After renting 1000 movies we went back home and started watching them. Without giving too much away, here are some highlights from that evening:

• “Brent, I feel like I should call 911.”
• Brent’s random Oxy-Cleaning of pants
• Take clothing out of dresser, refold them, and then try on shoes
• “No seriously Brent, I think I might be dying.”
• “Heather, I have a million dollar idea!”
• “Brent, you can’t take a shower right now because you’ll drown!”
• Sketching of giant Smurf

 Road trip clip:

Oddly enough I didn’t want to go to the beach while I was in Florida. I’m not a big fan of tanning anymore…I don’t want to ruin my skin. So we went to Lincoln Road…some kind of shopping center. I’m pretty sure I almost died of heatstroke. I had to go into GAP and buy a new outfit…YES!...I was that fucking hot and sweaty. But the best part was that uncle Brent picked out a total “Brent outfit” at American Apparel for Knox.

Some other highlights from my vacation:

I watched Sucker Punch which if someone can explain it to me that would be amazing…that movie was nonsense.

I had about 1000 DD iced coffees <3

I watched this crazy British soap opera on PBS…I was incredibly enamored by it.

I got to go to Publix! This was like a grocery store orgasm for me! I got my french onion dip, which is the only thing I would want with me if I was stranded on an island.

My last day we ate at the Floridian and I saw a red velvet cake that about gave me a stroke

Thing’s I loved on the plane ride back home…

1.      The fact that there was a 40 year old women and a 3 year old girl carrying around their identical unicorn pillow pets

2.      That the pilot said “I just wanted to thank you for filling us up today.” He actually chuckled a little after he said it.

3.      And that the old guy next to me had an iPhone…but was listening to his music on a portable CD player.

The End...well...not really...here are a couple more random pictures...